“I want you to step back, take a deep breath, and then step forward with confidence.” I wasn’t sure I could do it, but I did as I was told. “Good job, Jordan! Now do that 19 more times.” my physical therapist said.
Here’s what I’ve been up to in June:
Started physical therapy on my ankle…long way to go
Ended my long Duolingo streak
Eat a small portion of fruit daily (it’s a start lol)
Deleted over 12,000 photos from the last decade
Deep cleaned my home… it’s the best it’s ever looked
Watched the WCWS, CWS, Stanley Cup, NBA Finals, FIFA World Cup; it’s been a great month for sports
Removed Instagram, Facebook, & Amazon Prime from my phone
Started using gift cards I’ve had accumulated
Consolidated lots of my teaching tubs, now I have 9 less tubs
Debating getting rid of my Disney pass
Did 60 hours of teaching courses to help renew my teaching license
Read 50-100 pages from a book daily (that’ll decrease in August)
Did a deep dive into my monthly, yearly budget
Created a monthly spreadsheet of my teaching ideas that’ll get printed before each month
Obsessively watching the updates of the Lego controversy between Reckless Ben and Bricks & Minifigs
Mentally have been working on myself grace and forgiveness for the people to have hurt unintentionally over the years
Watch a movie most days (101 Dalmations, the 1996 version is one of the best movies of all times & Toy Story 5 is a pinch overrated, good message though!)
This June has been very interesting. It’s been very challenging on me mentally and physically.
Despite three months of resting and physical therapy my ankle still hurts and that has been frustrating for me. I don’t blame anyone. I’m very appreciative of the therapists and doctors who are trying to help me. I just thought with three months of rest the pain would be eliminated by now, but it’s far from it. The good news therapists quickly realized I was long overdue for treatment and have happily given me “homework” (mini stretches/motions), that I gladly do. I’ve also been reading a ton and was reminded that eating the right foods might help me physically and mentally.
Mentally June has been hard. The summer months are always hard because most days I don’t see people, but this June has been one of the hardest ones of my life. As you saw, I did a deep-dive into my home and tech. I got rid of a lot. It was long overdue. I am happier walking into a space that is much cleaner, but frustrated with myself in how much money I’ve wasted during the first 10 years of my teaching career and in my personal life. I’ve pushed my focus to the next 10 years and what I want it to look like.
I’ve also been very reflective of my past this month. Going through a decade plus of photos has reminded me of my past that I’m proud of and areas I need to improve in. I know I’ve done some great things in my life, but I can’t help but feel like I’ve unintentionally hurt others . At times I feel like I’m a bad person and it weighs on me heavily. For anyone I’ve unintentionally hurt in my entire life that reads this blog, I am sincerely sorry. I mean that. Words just to say or type them mean little. I live my life through action, and I’m trying to be the best version of myself daily. I’m optimistic that drastically decreasing my time on social media, spending more time praying/mediating, seeking out opportunities to be around like minded prayer or running groups, increasing my reading and exercise will improve my mentality… trying new fruits and vegetables couldn’t hurt (turns out I like raspberries now haha).
I know this blog is heavy, but I promise I’m okay. I promise if someone reads this in 2 years, 5 years, 20 years I’m okay. Due to all the reflecting, it's created a lot of emotions. But it's done some good. By sorting through my photos and posts I’ve saved, I’ve got many ideas for each month that I’m itching to do this school year, including some I've used in the past. By using up my gift cards, I've saved a lot of money. Removing social media from my phone is helping me not feel less lonely and not see all the perfectionism that's posted, thus making me happier.
Please remember I type my blogs with honesty to hold myself accountable, but also to possibly help someone…now, 2 years, 5 years, 20 years, etc. Maybe someone reading this blog is now motivated to clean out their garage full of teaching supplies (your car will thank you). Maybe there’s someone out there I accidentally hurt 5 days ago, 15 months ago, or 25 years ago, I'm sorry. Lastly, maybe someone's reading this realizing today is the perfect day to get end their overpaid subscription (Bye Runners World...I forgot to add that to the list).
This month I’ve taken many steps backward literally and figuratively. I’ve had to look deep down and who/where I am/at and where/who I want to be today, tomorrow, and in the future. I’m proud of the steps I’ve taken this month, but also acknowledge I have a long way to go.
If you’re someone going through similar things, you are not alone. Sometimes you have to take the painful step back, take a deep breath, and step forward.
