“This year’s winner of the teacher of the year is…MR. POTRZEBA!”
I remember the butterflies I felt seconds before I received the applause and flowers. Then I distinctly remembering all the incredible teachers at my school that were nominated for the award, but didn’t win; many of which, inspired me to be the teacher I currently am. Hidden under my smile felt like I was an imposter amongst the crowd of teachers.
Two weeks ago, I ran in my monthly race. It was a 5k. I ran 3.1 miles averaging a 5:51 per mile pace. That’s very fast! When one of the coordinators asked what my secret was, I shook my head and said “I don’t know? I only run 2-3 times week and don’t have a good diet.” His jaw dropped in disbelief. It got me thinking, maybe it isn’t fair of me to run so well and do so much less than other runners. I felt like an imposter again.
It was hard to accept such a prestigious award knowing many days I do not perform like a “teacher of the year.” As a matter of a fact, days ago I had parent threaten to remove their child from my class. (If you knew that parent, then you’d know she has a history of doing this and that I’m not the problem.) Admin and an officer witnessed the exchange and escorted her away. When my principal named a new 4th grade team leader this month, she didn’t choose me. Both of these, deep down, stung a little.
To put the cherry on top, myself and 11,038 were emailed yesterday that despite our times being fast enough Boston Marathon Qualifying times, due to limited field size and spots reserved for charities, all 11,039 of us will not be running in our dream race in 2024: the Boston Marathon. The sweat, mileage, pain, traveling, effort I did I wasn’t good enough. It still hurts as I’m typing this.
And finally, there’s many decisions looming during and after this current school year. What school I teach at? Where will I live? What apartment complex should I live in next? When will I run my next marathon? Do I opt for surgery on my left ankle? Do I move cities or states? Should I move closer to friends, family, or elsewhere? I just feel like an imposter knowing how confused I am currently. These thoughts weigh on me heavily daily.
Every teacher is a teacher of the year to one student out there. We’ve made an impact on countless lives that we’ll never know. That’s an incredible feeling. Every teacher deserves to be teacher of the year and they are unnoticeably to our students! For me, being voted as this year’s recipient means I represent our school, our teachers, and most importantly, our students. The award is an inspiration from the thousands of students I’ve taught and a culmination of great teaching I’ve learned from my past and current colleagues and lots of books and PDs. I’m honored to be this year’s recipient and will always hold it near and dear to my heart.
Running wise, the amount weekly mileage one does, nor running in the Boston Marathon define who they are, including me. It’s the fact when you lace up your shoes, lift one foot up, and stide out with your arms you are now a runner. One race will not discredit the hundreds of races I’ve participated in. Many people dream of running in Boston will never be able to because of the fast-qualifying times you must run to be in the consideration. As for me: for my first marathon I ran under my Boston Marathon qualifying time by 88 seconds and PRed my mileage by over 6 miles. That’s something I’ll always be proud of. And by the way…I’m not giving up on running Boston in 2025! I. Ain’t. Done!
As for my future decisions, I’ll continue to take things day by day and enjoy the ride I’m currently on. I don’t want to miss the incredible things in front of my eyes. This month alone, I did THREE classroom transformations in 4 weeks. IT. WAS. AWESOME! The kids loved it. I loved it! One weekend, I took a getaway trip to see college football and baseball with my friend! My skin was burnt, but my spirit was high. It was such a fun trip that I’m glad I made. I’ll keep preparing for what the future might be, while enjoying the present roller coaster of a life I’m currently living!
The Imposter syndrome is always going to be knocking at your door. It might come from a co-worker, a friend, a parent, or in your mind. And know you’re not alone, fight it with your friends and family and seek extra help too. Reading, running, and traveling are some of my favorites. Always remember, you are not an imposter. YOU are perfectly you! Keep being you!
