As the video was playing, tears filled my eyes. I looked around the room, more tears and sobbing had filled our classroom. Minutes later, we all embraced in a hug one last time. Goodbyes were said.
Our last day of 4thgrade was over.
Every year I cry on the last day of school. It never fails. Despite this being one of my favorite years of teaching, I didn’t think I was going to cry despite how fun, respectful, and easy going my 4th graders were. I had cried happy tears plenty of times during the year, I didn’t think I had any left. Sure enough, I cried…a lot. I cried during the class video I created captivating our year, during my final read aloud, and during our final goodbyes. Honestly, I cried in my car on my to and from school. This is a class I’ll never forget.
After school, I received a text asking why do my students and I always cry at the end of the year? The answer was simple: relationships. It doesn’t always make sense that the majority of my students, even the challenging and quiet ones will cry, nor is a goal I strive for. It just happens.
In school as a student, I was quiet. I did my best, most times just barely scrapping by. I didn’t have many friends. Honestly, I was bullied at times. I had respect for most of my teachers, but never knew them deeper. After becoming a teacher, I thought my relationships with my principals would be different than when I was student. But honestly, the students likely know the principals I’ve worked just as much as us teachers do.
As a teacher, I vowed years ago to be the opposite for my students. Today, I like to believe that I have kept that vow. Students get the authentic me. They know my likes and dislikes, what I do outside of school, what YouTubers I watch, and so much more. They see my fun, serious, and sad sides. They learn my expectations for them don’t just apply in the hallways, but rather in their houses, neighborhoods, and communities. For our classroom, there’s a bigger purpose than just preparing for the big test at the end of the year.
(On my birthday this year, my team surprised me with a Publix jamboree of gifts; including a shirt and hat…that I wore the rest of the day! Students knew I’m bigger fan of Walmart, but were taught a valuable lesson to accept and respect all gifts given to you.)
Relationships start with acknowledgement. They start when you first meet someone. You can only make a first impression once, so make it a good one. Smile. Make eye contact. When you see someone, give a pleasant greeting plus their name (if you know it). It’s not hard to do. You got this. You never know what that person is going through, a simple greeting might make all the difference in their day. It has for me.
Ask a question unrelated to their job. Asking someone what their favorite food or tv show are simple starters. There’s a million get to know you questions you could ask. Imagine if teachers took 2 minutes out of their day to ask one question per day to their class. Students would feel like their heard and more importantly, they’d see just how alike they are with their classmates. Now imagine how if principals did this at the start of staff meetings.
Listen to them. Their voice matters too. I often hear teachers say that it’s the students’ classroom; but how many of them let that phrase ring true. Let students talk. Give them choice. Let them make decisions that benefit them and their classmates. When you listen to the majority of the people you’re surrounded with (students), you’ll be surprised with how informative they’ll be. When you let their voice be heard, they’ll be more motivated…All I ever want to feel is that my voice is being heard at my school and in my classroom. The last few years I’ve left my classroom not feeling like it was my classroom. Like students, when admin listens to the majority and lets teachers do what’s best for their students, they’ll see incredible results and the culture will shift for the better.
You know what’s not on the list of building relationships surprisingly? Gifts. When I asked my students what they loved most about the school year, zero answers were: candy, random surprise toys, and Christmas presents. It got me thinking about all the gifts I was given by the school during teacher appreciation week. It didn’t feel authentic or meaningful. I rather have had 5 positive non-teaching related conversations with my principal during the 10 month school year, than receive gifts for one week.
There’s a lot of ideas that teachers can do to build relationships: play with students, attend events, laugh with them, eat with them, share stories with them, positive phone calls and notes, throw confetti on them (my students personal favorite), participate in school dress up days, and so much more. Make the time to build relationships!
