Time

 

Today I woke up early to run at the location of my race an hour away. My routine was flawless, my timing was spot on, and just as finished my run I realized my car key was missing from my zipped pocket. There went my time…

 

    In late January, our school got the news our beloved principal would be leaving soon to prepare to be the principal at a brand-new school. I was selfishly devasted. Just seven months ago, I moved away from friends and a school I loved because this principal was the real deal. Now, she’s gone. I wanted more time to learn from her.

 

    Also in late January, I met a girl. We connected on multiple levels: religion, hobbies, and goals. We hung out a few times and had a great time. Less than two weeks later, she ghosted me. I wanted more time to know her.

 

    About every week or so, my mom and I talk. Okay, she’ll say I do the talking…but you know what I mean. It never fails that she’ll remind me how the plains of the Midwest are my first home and our family will welcome me back. But I want more time to live here. 

 

    I’m struggling with teaching. If you know my story, you know I’ve had the worst luck. I never feel as though I’m doing a good enough job. I feel so isolated and judged by everything I do. Sometimes it affects, other times I shake it off. I’ve contemplated quitting teaching after this year. The truth is, I want more time to figure out my what my heart is telling me.

 

    I saw a friend post about many well-known celebrities and professionals not having their fame and fortune in their twenties. Some didn’t even hit their stardom until their forties and fifties. It made me think that maybe I do have more time.

 

I have time to travel.

I have time to figure out my career.

I have time to find the right girl.

I have time to work out.

I have time to read books for hours.

I have time to sleep in.

I have time to not respond immediately to emails.

I have time to watch tv.

I have time to enjoy my weekend.

I have time to enjoy my weeknights. 

I have time to save money.

I have time to grow.

I have time to have fun.

I have time to spurge on myself.

 

    I don’t have my life figured out. Sometimes I even feel pressured to. I panic and start to regret all the decisions I made in the past. Then I remember, I’m where I am because I took risks. I chased my dreams. I followed my heart and went the career and life I wanted. So maybe I don’t have it all figured out, but I’m not going to stop trying because I still have time!