“Year
number two was probably harder for me than year number one because I started to
know what I now knew.” Ben Gilpin, Michigan Principal
Ben Gilpin’s words
have never been truer. My second year of teaching was unlike anything from my
first year. Last summer I moved 24 hours away from my friends and family in
Nebraska to accept a 4th grade position at a wonderful public school
in central Florida. My honeymoon arrival would be short-lived as I experienced
trial after trial: the principal who hired me transferred, our school was rated
a D for the third straight year, Hurricane Irma swept in, bugs invaded all
cracks of my apartment, and my heart started to swell with pain.
At school the
pressure of keeping my job and helping the school improve our school grade took
its toll. Mid year, I switched from being our reading teacher to being our math
teacher, which I gladly accepted. At one point, I met my Assistant Principal for
breakfast to brainstorm ideas and strategies. I continued to dress up in characters
and transformed my room. None of seemed to work as our assessments continued to
slow minimal progress. Rumors started swirling. This was the not the teacher
they hired.
In my personal
life everything started to pile on top of me like the growing pile of clothes
at my apartment. I stopped contacting my parents. I stayed off Twitter, keeping
my PLN at bay. My diet started consisting of pizza, tacos, and more pizza. I
slept on the floor for months. My heart started to arch, and my breathing was
slowing down. I started worrying if I was going to wake up tomorrow. No one
texted me. I was alone.
I don’t share my
school and personal life to ask for sympathy, but rather to share it to hold
myself accountable and growth. I had the answers in me. I typically have a
happy-go-lucky optimistic personality and mindset. This time that mindset
vanished. Instead I waited on things to change. I told myself things will change…when
the school the year ends…when I move to my new apartment… when I get this and
that…
You can’t keep
waiting on change. You have to choose to change. Don’t wait until ____________
happens. It’ll likely never happen. Reach out. Do something different. You will
waste your time and effort doing nothing if you keep waiting. Driving my Mustang
to places unknown to me was my release. Splurging on Amazon for myself was also
helpful. Better yet, write yourself a
note and post it somewhere you’ll see it everyday: mirror, laptop, etc. Repeat
the phrase and BELIEVE IT.
It’s easier said than done right? I understand
and it’s a constant battle for some of us. For 8 hours a day in front of 65
kids I was a goofy, crazy, cheerful teacher, until I was alone. I didn’t accept
compliments or believe what I was doing was working. My depression would set in
and anyone trying to talk to me knew they were better off talking to a wall. I
blocked it all out and chose to be alone.
It’s not going to
be easy. It might not happen for quite awhile. You might see hours of sunshine,
then days, weeks, MONTHS of rain. But don’t lose hope. You are stronger than
this. You can overcome this. Share your story. You’ll be surprised who’s going
through similar obstacles, as I found out. If you’re not happy where your mentality
is, make the change TODAY!
